Inspired by a wonderful TV spot by Colin Cowherd and Jason Whitlock for their new sports show. Which I also thoroughly enjoyed. Probably more of these to come next time I feel like letting ‘smartass’ go to 11.

I am sorry I hate the shotgun component of 3-Gun.

I am sorry I think the T-72 is a worthless piece of garbage.

I am sorry I don’t think the J-20 is very stealthy.

I am sorry I think BMPs are deathtraps.

I am sorry I think Chinese jet engine manufacturing capability is a joke.

I am sorry the Olympics bore me.

I am sorry I’m not an “AK Person”.

I am sorry I think hosting the Olympics is a colossal waste of money.

I am sorry I doubt the value of America’s NATO allies who aren’t Great Britain or France.

I am sorry I would never have let the Baltic States into NATO.

I am sorry I don’t believe in the ‘Olympic ideal.’

I am sorry I take mutual defense pacts seriously.

I am sorry I hate planning for COIN.

I am sorry I don’t like double action semiautomatic pistols.

I am sorry I’m not a gun hipster.

I am sorry I’m not a sports viewing hipster.

I’m sorry I’m not a hipster anything.

I am sorry my gun tastes are pedestrian.

I am sorry I’m a trigger snob.

I am sorry I’m a huge optics snob.

I am sorry I still think about big conventional wars.

I am sorry I’m not a safety nazi.

I am sorry I still plan around big conventional wars.

I am sorry my cynical distrust of politicians is rewarded by being right.

I am sorry I think nylon is a stupid fabric to have in a combat uniform.

I am sorry I don’t think linux is the greatest OS ever.

I am sorry I think the USN camo uniforms are stupid.

I am sorry I hate when my computer asks me for permission to do the thing I just told it to do.

I am sorry I’m still patriotic.

And, I’m sorry for fake apologies.